Friday, April 20, 2007

What are you waiting for?

Today I woke up around 8AM when the alarm went off. The bed was stiff, almost as stiff as my throat and my head. I hate feeling sick, but I guess it comes with the good times. I tried to go back to sleep for another hour but instead I drifted into a dream world.
I started to dream about Sivananda as I usually do. I will probably have dreams about that place for the rest of my life being that it was an extremely transforming place for me. My dream was really pleasant. I was doing yoga and just lying on the beach and speaking about spiritual realizations to other people in the ashram. Does this mean an ashram life is for me? No.. but I have a feeling I know what my dream is about.
Today is the first day that I can appreciate the sun shinning in a long time. I put on my running clothes and decided that I am going to take a jog and get back into it for the first time since I have lived near the park. As I'm thinking about running, I go into a wierd daydream about waking up early on a Sunday morning (or everymorning during the time where I was living off my Shakespeare money) , latering up in tanning lotion, and running by Bayside Marina. I would run for what felt like hours but really only about 4 miles in one hour. I would come home and cook breakfast for everyone that lived in my house.
Does anybody else miss this but me?? I know I'm about to live on my own again and I will regain all of the independence that I feel I have lost. But its going to be insanely different. Dont get me wrong, there is nothing that I want more than to live in a Brownstone in Bushwick... I just havent officially said goodbye to my Bayside parkside loft. Sometimes I wanna sneak in there, I still have the keys.
Finally things are coming together, but how come I still feel so torn apart?

No comments: